Today we’re going to be talking about finding strength and numbers with a side of tacos. Why it’s good to surround yourself with people who’ve been through what you are going through. Let’s dive right in.

Surround Yourself with People Who is in the Same Boat as You

Why do I say this? Why is it good to surround yourself with people who’ve been through what you’ve been going through and what you’re currently going through? Because it humanizes the process. What I mean by that is you get the opportunity to see others going through a similar situation and understand very quickly and you realize that they’re exactly in the same boat as you. They are just trying to navigate the day-to-day, they’re wondering where they went wrong. Or what could have said been said to prevent this from even happening in the case of a suicide attempt? Or even if you have tragically lost a loved one to suicide as I have, you constantly have that ticker tape going over in your mind of saying, well, I could have done this, or I should have done that.

What would have been different had I said this, and you are up at night you’re having these sleepless nights you’re experiencing what I would like to call brain fog, which is something that is very common when you’re grieving. And you are constantly forgetting the basic things that used to be, you know, quote-unquote, easy, such as tasks like remembering to pick up the dry cleaning, or different appointments. All of this can be contributed to what I like to call brain fog, you just forget even the most basic tasks, and what you were supposed to do that day. And it’s so so common. When you are experiencing those moments, just know that you’re not alone, because everyone out there has experienced those moments of Brain Fog.

When someone opens up that they have experienced a tragedy of this magnitude, it also allows room for love to enter into the equation. Not that love wasn’t there before. But love is what turns the sting that you feel in your heart into warmth. Love is what keeps this all going. And of course, it’s no accident that my podcast is called You Are Loved for this very reason. Because I want this to serve as a reminder to you that you are worthy, that you deserve to feel that there are people that you haven’t even met yet, who adore you and want nothing but the best for you.

A Sisters Sharing One Heart

As my good friend Nancy green, she is the founder of speakingofgrief.com powerfully illustrates, we now have this common bond between us this unspoken language that didn’t exist prior to its tragedy. When I was speaking with Nancy, she gave me this visual and I automatically felt as if we are sisters sharing one heart in a sense. Nancy tragically lost her soon-to-be husband many, many years ago. It was in the early stages of her engagement and her fiance at the time tragically took his life. And I remember her opening up and sharing with me that it was extremely hard because she grew up in a Jewish family and especially during that time it was just not talked about suicide wasn’t talked about out. And in the Jewish community, it was like hush, you don’t want to talk about that. Yes, this has happened. But we’re just going to move on.

And going back to Nancy is a beautiful illustration of having this common bond between us this unspoken language that she talks about. That, of course, didn’t exist prior to this tragedy for her, or for me, when I lost my sister, so she lost her, her soon-to-be husband, and I lost my sister, but we now have this unseen thread connecting the two of us. And it is such a beautiful thing. I want to emphasize having a strong support system is key. And this support system can look different for everybody. Your support system can be family, it can be friends, could even churches, synagogues, mosques, or any religious group you are affiliated with. It can either be complete strangers. But I want to emphasize again, that you need someone in your corner, who knows how you feel, who is experiencing life with you. And ideally, it’s not just one person, but lots of people, right? Like, we want to be able to have this, you know, army of people behind us that are pushing you forward, and experiencing life with you. And they’re saying, hey, you know what, I’ve been there, too, I kind of got a bed. But I received a text message from a dear friend that was asking me how I was doing and I got out of bed, or whatever that might be for you. But ideally, lots of people, and like I said, not just one person to help lift you up when you are feeling blue, or just simply needing to cry.

Food Connects Us and Brings Us Together

So tacos, I mentioned earlier, are not included. But they’re absolutely 100% necessary in these moments. Why do I say that? Because when you lose a loved one to suicide, or there’s been a suicide attempt. Sometimes there are no words to describe the enormous amount of pain you feel. Because food has this incredible way of bringing people together and showing how much you care. That is why I say, Bring tacos. And if you are the person that is the recipient of set tacos, you don’t have to do anything. But just sit there in silence until you’re ready to talk. Or if you even want to talk, it’s completely up to you. It’s entirely your decision. You don’t have to say anything. And as a side note, if you are the person bringing the tacos, this is food for you to simply enjoy and politely remain quiet until spoken to. And it doesn’t even have to be tacos. It could be something like breakfast, it could be something like coffee, it could be anything really it doesn’t even have to be food. But I do like the reminder of how food is beautiful and connects us and brings us together and allows us to show how much we care.

And I’ll share a quick story about when my dad passed away. He passed away from health complications on 25th 2013. And we my sister and I were out at a restaurant and she got a phone call from a friend. Their friend had just heard that our dad had passed away and show she was calling to express her condolences. And when she did she asked my sister what she was doing. And my sister said, you know, we’re just out eating some comfort food. And that’s really what reminds me of whenever I’ve experienced a tragedy like this and I’m in the throes of grief. A greasy cheeseburger or just something that really is comforting. Whether that’s a home-cooked meal or a plate of spaghetti. I don’t know what that is for you or in this case tacos. I don’t know what that is, but maybe you know that can help lighten The load and just bring a little bit of comfort and peace into your world. And while I can only send you virtual tacos, if you need someone to talk to you, I want to invite you to check out our Facebook page, or our Instagram page, and discover all the ways that we can connect with one another. Because like I said, having that group of people that are on your side that are there for you really through thick and thin.

And of course, this is a really thick moment where you want people in your corner that are going to build you up and they’re not going to be inadvertently tearing you down. Not that they would I don’t think in these types of situations. But it becomes extremely crucial that you have people in your corner when I was grieving the loss of my sister, and someone cared enough to check in with me and see how I was doing. This truly made all the difference in the world.

What Method of Communication Do You Prefer?

I’ll share another example when my sister took her life, it was winter, and it was cold. And I didn’t want to get out of bed I didn’t even want to get I don’t want to do anything. I just wanted to stay in bed and just cry. And it was extremely difficult. I really had to just force myself to get out of bed and get moving for the day and remind myself that I had a little girl who needed me. But I also had beautiful connections, specifically my neighbor. And I’m gonna call her out by name. Terry, thank you for being that warm embrace for me and checking in on me to see how I was doing. She was so kind enough to drop off a gift and just let me know that she was there. And she was constantly texting me. Or she would be calling me I don’t know if you prefer to text or prefer calls. But that is something that you’ll want to be sure that you vocalize and say hey, now I really don’t like text messages. I prefer to like call or I prefer you to call me on the phone, speak up and say hey, you know, this has been something that can really help me. And, or maybe you’re the opposite. Maybe you’re like I don’t really have time, like me, I don’t have time to talk on the phone. And I usually don’t know, but still, I will reply to a text message a lot faster. And so just knowing what method of connection you prefer and a method of communication you prefer is another thing that you can note. And as people are reaching out to you, you can let them know, if they do ask say they asked Hey, how can we stay in touch? How can I check in on you to make sure you’re okay and see how things are going? You can be honest and say “I don’t really have time to talk on the phone”. But I would prefer a text or maybe it’s something virtual like nowadays we have Skype, we have Zoom.  Zoom isn’t just for business or work we can have it be fun, we can have it be for personal reasons to that we pop in and say hi and we get to see each other’s faces and hear each other’s laughter again and just cry if we need to cry.

So there are definitely many, many, many, many things of modalities of communication that we can utilize and say, Hey, this is what I need right now. But again, I just want to remind you to reach out and surround yourself with people who will support you and love you. And I made a note here in my notations that I was intentional with using the words love on you. Because it’s interesting because I wanted to autocorrect that and say something different but I was very intentional with saying no I want these people they want you to surround yourself with people who will love you. And when they do I want you to think of that as a warm hug. As you find that support from others who have experienced that similar loss as you and be open to people who are simply extending In an olive branch, if there are people in your life that are extending the olive branch and they’re wanting to reach out, be open to that. And if you’re not ready for that olive branch, that’s okay to just know where you’re at. And if you’re not ready, you can say “I’m not ready”  But I just want to emphasize that connecting with people who have been through a similar situation really does make all the difference, because it allows us to be able to say, Hey, I’ve been there too. I know what that’s like. And that alone will do wonders when it comes to your healing when it comes beginning the healing process.

Always Remember You Are Loved 💜

P.S. I would be so grateful if you would rate and review the podcast. And as always, remember, you are loved. Until next time, thanks for tuning in and listening to this episode of The You Are Loved Podcast. For more information about suicide prevention be sure to check out owlandthistle.com and if you’re coping with the loss of a loved one due to suicide, we’ve been there too. And for more information, check out our sister company found at scatteringhope.com. Please like it subscribes to this program to stay current with all of our episodes. And follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Owl and Thistle or Facebook and Instagram for Scattering Hope.

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