Does time really heal all wounds?
My answer may surprise you. It really is the question of the day, isn’t it? “Does time really heal all wounds?” My answer is initially, “No.” But let me explain why I say this…
Time Allows
What time does allow is healing. Time does take the “sting” out of the initial wound. Think of a time like Neosporin when you get a cut or hurt. My little girl is always outside and loves being outdoors. In fact, she just got her training wheels off her bike a couple of weeks ago and we are so proud of her!
One day while she was still learning to ride her bike without training wheels, she was riding around our culdesac and took the corner too fast. She immediately tried to correct herself using the handlebars. But it was too late. She fell off her bike onto the pavement and started crying. As she got up, I realized that her knee was bleeding. She scrapped it when she fell off her bike. I brought her inside and wiped the rocks and dirt away. I put Neosporin and a bandaid on her knee. She was okay after that. Grief is like her falling off her bike. Initially, it is so painful that we aren’t sure we will be okay.
How are we supposed to think about tomorrow, when today is a struggle? Let alone in one year’s time or longer…
Time is like Neosporin
Remember my question from earlier, “Does time really heal all wounds?” Time allows for the “sting” to become less painful. Just like Neosporin (The cream that you put on scraps) It takes away the sting and allows for the scrap to heal.
Like my daughter’s knee…She only has a small scar there now on her knee. But we know that she got hurt. You can see it. The same is true for you and me…Only this wound is more deep and more painful.
The First Year and Beyond
So for instance, after you lose a loved one to suicide, The first year is extremely challenging, to say the least. It is a rollercoaster of emotions and ups and downs. At least that was my experience for the first year after losing my sister. So did time heal the wound of losing my sister during the first year absolutely not. I strongly believe that time is relative in this circumstance. Why? Just because it takes someone a year or more to grieve and process their loved ones’ passing, doesn’t make someone else’s grieving process. Less than or greater than your own. My goodness, There are people who are still mourning the loss of their loved one years later…Sometimes even decades. I would be dishonest if I said, “Yes, it will only take you a year to grieve.”
When I don’t fully know the depth of the relationship that you had with your loved one. Even though, My sister and I were close, And I saw her practically every day…Doesn’t mean that losing her was harder for me than for my mother or other siblings. We each had a unique perspective about my sister and her life. This is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. But it also doesn’t mean that I want you to stay “stuck” in your grief either. Quite the opposite in fact. I want you to begin healing after suicide, as soon as possible. Why?
Because like me, you have people counting on you to be there and be an example of what being brave looks like. Is it easy? Heavens no! But the one thing that time does give you after this tragedy is that it lessens the sting that it had on you in the early days. I can talk about my sister and not burst into tears (most times..) I can look at my sister’s obituary and not feel guilty. My daughter can look at her aunt’s picture and ask questions and want me to tell stories about her. Beautiful stories that make me cry and laugh at who my sister was and is. I love telling them! It brings me such peace and joy to be able to have an open conversation with my daughter about her aunt. To give her a glimpse into her aunt’s life, which she never knew.
What an amazing gift!
To be able to share pieces of my sister’s journey with my daughter. My daughter was three at the time of my sister’s passing. But that was something that I realized afterward…
That time was continuing not just for me, but for my entire family as well. That each new day is an opportunity to stand a little taller. To be stronger. To shine brighter. This is what time does to the wound of grief.
I created something just for you as you are reading this. I wanted to give you something that reminded you of what each new day brings. Light and hope with it. That time doesn’t have to be something we fear. Rather, We embrace as “time goes by…”
May you continue to find peace in the days and time to come.
P.S. If you would like what I created for you,a simple pdf that you can print and put on your fridge as a reminder, simply reach out to me on social media @scattering.hope and DM me for your reminder that each new day brings hope and light.
Love Notes:
- Time can be something we embrace rather than dread or fear…
- Think of time as Neosporin
- Each new day brings light and hope with it
- This does wonders for cuts and scrapes! Plus, my daughter LOVES that it doesn’t sting anymore!
Love,
Crystal 💜
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