My Son

After my son was born earlier this year in March, my sister-in-law decided to come to spend a few days to see him before going home to Oregon to check on their mom. When she was here, I kept hearing all about this amazing new movie on Netflix that has Ryan Renyold’s in it. It’s called The Adam Project

Plus, If it has Ryan Renyold’s in it, it must be good right? And, yes, I can tell you with confidence that it was good!

But, that’s not why I am telling you this… I won’t spoil it for you if you haven’t watched it yet, but, during the movie, there is a scene that was incredibly touching. 

Just to give you a little more back story of what’s going on in the film, the main character is named Adam. Adam is able to go back in time and be present as a 10-year-old again.

It might not make sense, but, he is able to be an adult Adam AND still be a 10-year-old kid…

Pretty cool right?

Hanging Out With Your 10- Year-Old Self

I mean who wouldn’t want to hang out with our 10-year-old self again? I know I would!

What would I tell 10-year-old Crystal?

For starters… I would say, “Enjoy this moment…”

“It doesn’t last but a brief second so have fun being 10 years old.”

“Don’t stress over the dumb test…”

“Have fun simply being a kid!”

What would you tell your 10-year-old self again if you could? 

Going back to the movie, he experiences a tragedy of losing his dad. I don’t recall if they say it was a car accident. But I think it was.

The dad passes away. Adam as an adult has this experience of going to a bar and seeing his mother. But the cool part is, his mom doesn’t know that it is him!

She just thinks that she is talking to a guy at a bar. And she has no clue that it is her son as an adult!

Paint the Scene

Let me paint the scene…

She walks up to the bar and asks for a glass of wine. Adam (aka her son as an adult) is sitting at the bar…

Adam, starts talking to his mom…

Remember, She has no idea that this is her son…

They get on the topic of her husband aka dad and that it has been really hard since he died…

Ryan Renolyds character  says something along the lines of to his mother “Aren’t you grieving too?”

She stops and you can visibly see it on her face this look of realization 

And understanding… that she finally was able to acknowledge that she was. 

This truth, that she was grieving…

Even though, Deep down, She didn’t want to admit it.

Not only to herself, but even to a complete stranger…

Of course, it isn’t a stranger, it’s her son, but, as I’ve already shared, she doesn’t know this…

Keeping it Together

She continues talking to this “guy at the bar” that she has been trying to “keep it together”

And not show Adam, (10-year-old Adam) that she is grieving…

Magic Happens

Then something magical happens…

Ryan Renyold’s character says something so BOLD 

Yet, Profound….

He immediately tells her that, “When you don’t let him(10 year old Adam) see you cry, then he starts to believe it too.”

He starts to believe that he is okay when deep down he isn’t…

He starts to push his true feelings aside and stop expressing himself or his emotions get shoved inside and no longer get the opportunity to be released…

And he starts to believe the lie, that if mom is acting like she is fine, then I must be fine too? If mom isn’t crying, then why should I cry? Why should I cry because I miss my dad? That is truly “childish”…Crying… I mean c’mon? Only babies cry… And I’m not a baby.

Brave Enough to Cry

See what happens when we aren’t brave enough to express our emotions, to cry and bring them to the surface so that they are felt instead of being buried… where we openly cry or shout or whatever we are experiencing in the present moment… (Key word being present)

Not, past moments… Because otherwise, It might be too late…

Don’t Wait for Self-Expression

We can rob our children of these moments of self-expression too!

And, Instead what we end up doing to ourselves AND to them, is unconsciously or not, we end up putting on this mask that we are okay when we aren’t…

Removing The Mask

They feel it! They see it! And no matter their age… they know the truth!

Because I don’t know if you know this, but children, no matter what age they are, are very intuitive. 

They have this amazing ability to “sense” things…

Maybe it’s because of their divine connection to God or higher self?

Whatever you believe…

Especially, little children like my daughter who was 3 years old at the time of my sister’s passing…

She could “sense” something was wrong, even though we hadn’t said a word, we didn’t speak or say anything…

She didn’t know about Gina…but she knew that something was terribly wrong…

Even before I told her the news…

Returning To Our Scene

So going back to this beautiful scene in this movie, where Ryan Renyold’s is having a conversation with his mother as an adult and telling her to cry in front of him(aka 10-year-old Adam)

He goes onto say to his mother, played by Jennifer Garner, “He believes it.”

Circling back to those words, “He believes it.”

I mean how powerful is that sentence? Doesn’t that make you want to go to your children? or the people with whom you are close with and just be vulnerable with them…

Those people who you can confide in… share what you have been feeling for so long, yet, you have kept it to yourself anyways…

Because maybe you thought it was silly to cry in front of them?

Or, maybe you feel scared? Because if I’m honest,

Easier to “wear a mask”

Sometimes it is easier to “wear a mask”…

To hid, to not let people into our life and give them glimpses of our truest self because yes, we fear of what they might say or react. 

But, friend, we aren’t just hurting ourselves when we do this…

We hurt those around us also when we do…

Invite them into the healing process!

Not just family, but friends….

And, especially, Invite your children into the healing process as you ALL grieve…

Love Notes:

• What would you tell your 10-year-old self again if you could? 
•  “Aren’t you grieving too?”
•  “When you don’t let him(10-year-old Adam) see you cry, then he starts to believe it too.”
• He starts to push his true feelings aside, and stop expressing himself, His emotions get shoved inside, and no longer get the opportunity to be released
• All children are intuitive
• He believes it
• Don’t wear a mask. Be brave enough to share how truest self with those we can confide in. 
• Invite family and friends into the healing process, especially children.
• So that you ALL can grieve together

 If you still are looking for more support, please reach out to me at hello@scatteringhope.com or you can visit my Facebook page and Instagram. 

Love,

Crystal 💜